I grew up with a strong sense of what is fair and what is not. Sometimes being merciful and practicing grace becomes an afterthought because I’m so caught up in making or keeping things fair (especially when I get competitive. lol). I think it’s because of how I was raised. My parents always made a point of keeping things fair between me and my brother so we wouldn’t have an excuse to fight. However, the truth of the matter is.. life just isn’t fair in our sense of the word. I believe life is fair and just in God’s eyes though. If anything, we’re getting the better end of the deal. Think about it. We get God, and He gets us? Sad!

This is love.. when I give my heart to everyone but You
This is love.. when I have turned my back away from You
This is love.. when I have left You for the selfish things I do
This is love.. that You would still love me in spite of me
—words from This Is Love by The Autumn Film

I love this song and the lyrics. The first time I heard it, it really perked up my ears to take in the words. I was listening to it in the car again today. The words never fail to touch me.

Anyhoo, this song isn’t really what has inspired me to write this entry. If you know me, then you know that recently I’ve been really into Brandi Carlile, her band and her music. I came into work, turned on my computer, opened up iTunes and started playing my Brandi Carlile music to start off the day. I started thinking about how into her music I am. Then I just started thinking about her and why I’m so into her. I think she’s genuinely an awesome human being from what I’ve read, seen and experienced (as brief as it was when I met her a few weeks ago).

As a performer she’s fantastic. She really knows how to engage the audience and keep you captivated. Even if you couldn’t see anything and only hear her voice, that alone would be enough to draw you in. She’s very talented, but not a prodigy. She really works at it. I think she’s a real solid female rocker. Then there’s seeing her being flanked by identical twins who also rock. The human symmetry is a sight to see. Love her strong voice and range. Love the music she and the twins write. Love that she has a cellist in her band. Just sucks that she’s getting so popular now and that I didn’t know about them when they were a smaller act. I don’t like huge venues, dealing with large crowds and “body guards”. She doesn’t have her own, but the Beacon Theater provided their own for her. I think if she had the time and energy she’d give every fan the time of day. She really just loves it and yet doesn’t seem full of herself. Confident, but not obnoxiously confident. Admirably confident.

She also has the “Looking Out Foundation” which raises money to support various causes she feels strongly about.

SIDEBAR: Watch her opening speech at a LOF fundraiser: Part 1, Part 2. She even quotes her favorite Bible verse, Matthew 6:3, by heart. “But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” And I think my favorite line she said herself was “The Lord looks out for us all by gifting us the compassion to look out for each other.”

She wants to do good and she does when and where she can. She wants to be a positive influence on people, but she’s also true to herself. She knows she’s a musician above all else. That’s what she’s passionate, what she loves. It’s her thing. It’s what she does and will do until she can no longer. She doesn’t try to act a part, try to look like a do-gooder to please other people. I don’t think she considers herself a Baptist anymore, but I believe her family still is and she was raised as one. In one of her songs she mentions being a Baptist and it has a negative connotation to it, but she has explained that when she was 16 she was an extreme Baptist and being extreme about anything just can’t be good. I agree. I don’t think humans can really control and handle extremes. Something eventually gets distorted. Even good intentions can become toxic.

There’s more, but for the most part that’s some background info on Brandi and why I like her so much. Now here’s the thing: She is gay. Her partner is a cop in Seattle. She seems like an incredible human being as well. Very involved in the community, working hard to make a positive change in any way she can. She seems like a pretty inspirational person as well. I was sitting here thinking about them and all the “good” people in the world. Unfortunately, being good just isn’t enough. I’m sure God loves them for how they love others, but I don’t know what plans He has for them after this world. I know He hates their sin. We all have some sin we struggle with that I’m sure God hates, but I really feel bad for gay people. I really feel like they’re stuck with such a sucky one.

I personally believe people might be “born gay” or “become” gay over time whether it just happens one day and they realize it or because of some horrific experience they’ve had. Being born gay.. I think it’s possible because of original sin, but let’s just leave it at that. I don’t want to talk about that issue in particular. My thing is.. I don’t think BEING gay is a sin. That’s terrible. It’s like saying, “..because I exist and I am who I am and can’t help who I am.. for whatever reason I am being punished and people are now equating me to the likes of Hitler and saying I belong in hell.” I think most believers of Christ without a distorted, tainted by man version of the Bible and understanding of God’s character and love know God doesn’t necessarily hate the person who commits the sin, but the sin itself. If he hated us so much, why would He send His Son to die in our place? That would make no sense whatsoever.

Simply put: it’s not fair. I sincerely believe gay people have the right to feel like their life is unfair and to be angry about it with God. I’m sure He understands. Shoot, if I were gay, I would. You’d just also have to understand that our life on this planet is not about everything being fair. If we really wanted life to be fair, we’d all be struck down dead and go to hell. We should be glad that life isn’t about fairness in that case. Grace is God ignoring OUR rules and making His own, playing by His own book. He knows we’re too stupid and that we’d really just inadvertently end up condemning ourselves to hell with no chance of salvation. We are too idealistic for our own good. God, on the other hand, is realistic.

I also understand why a majority of the gay community probably hate Christians. Those “Christians” might not necessarily be wrong in what they say, but they aren’t saying it with the love and gentleness that God wants us to have. There’s no wisdom and discernment in the words they use and the actions they take. It’s probably just fueled by anger, fear, ignorance and lack of counsel from God first.

So, why is being gay so unfair? To love and want to be loved in return has got to be the most basic of human desires. Even for those who call themselves celibate. I’m sure they still treasure the love of friends and family. For those who are not gay… they get to marry the person they love, have a family with them, and spend their lives with them. They get to act on their feelings and emotions and it’s okay once they are wed. It’s even godly for them to do so. However, men who have fallen in love with other men and women doing the same.. of course they have the same desires. They just can’t do anything about it or aren’t supposed to. It’s like saying everyone is allowed to eat, but because of “the luck of the draw” you can’t. You didn’t get a choice, or maybe you did, but you can’t just go back. “Too bad. Sorry!” So sad, but the truth is I think that’s really it. That’s all there is to it. Again, totally unfair, but just how it goes.

Can you be a Christian and be gay? I think you could be a true Christian and be gay. Just don’t act on it. Yes, again, it sucks. But being a Christian you should love God above anything or anyone else anyway, right? If we really did, it shouldn’t be a problem. Of course it’s far from easy, but if we can at least have the self-control to not have pre-marital sex, I think it is possible to abstain from any same sex “activity”. On the other hand, these days pre-marital sex is so common so I don’t know. But honestly, I think people just aren’t trying to NOT have sex before marriage. They either just don’t care or for Christians I think the mentality now is more like… we know we’re getting married anyway, so what’s the big deal? Sigh… It makes me sad and disappointed thinking about it.

Can someone truly go from gay to straight or is it just a cover-up/front? I don’t know. Probably. Anything’s possible. God can do it at least. I think to say that man being only with a woman can no longer be defined as “natural”. I think the only thing that really is natural is sin. A man with a woman is how God intended it to be, yes, but “natural” since Adam and Eve has already been twisted, tainted and will never return to “as God intended it” until Jesus comes back and that’s that. 

Here’s what I don’t get. Why do people get upset when God doesn’t agree with what they do? That means people just want a god who doesn’t care what they do or looks the other way. If you have a god who doesn’t care, why should you care about the existence of a god if he means nothing to you and has no effect on you? To me true God is someone you can never fully understand, never fully comprehend. He will never fully make sense. You can’t fit Him into a box. You can’t have Him fully figured out. If you can figure Him out, He’s not much of a God then, is He? God is like a parent. He loves you unconditionally. He wants to keep you safe and will lay down His life for you (and He already has). In order to keep you safe though, He sets boundaries. I’m sorry, but if there’s a parent out there who just let’s their children do whatever they want without setting boundaries and teaching consequences, well, you shouldn’t be a parent and your child is going to be in a world of trouble. It’s not like He’s forcing us to do anything either. He gives us the free will and choice to learn from His teachings or we can just turn the other way and ignore them.

This is just an assumption, but I think Brandi still believes in God. I think she believes in Jesus somewhere deep down. I think a lot of people do, but just can’t seem to let go of themselves and really think about it. Phil Hanseroth, one of the twins who plays bass most of the time, is a truth-seeker and is always looking into things like UFOs, USOs (UFO’s submerged underwater), new weird things that mess with your mind and subconscious, etc. I think if he looks hard enough, he’ll find someone has been there with him all along. He’ll find the truth.

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—His eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.
—Romans 1:20

It’s another one of those stupid things I can’t understand, and yet I do it all the time as well. Why do we insist on taking a hold of our own lives? Why can’t we just give up control to God who has the map, the GPS, the compass, etc? He can take us straight to paradise! The road’s not going to be easy and smooth. With or without Him there’s going to be potholes and flat tires along the way, but at least with God at the wheel you’re not doing it alone and He’s got everything you’ll need to get through it. Isn’t there only one smart choice here? Is there any question? I mean we’re bound to take the wheel back every now and then, but at least you know He’s still in the car waiting to take over whenever you’re ready to let go again. He’s not just going to abandon you unless you kick Him out. And even then He’s still watching. Bottom-line: it’s your choice. He’s not going to hi-jack your life.